Friday, July 22, 2011
If I were elected President- I'd kill all the mosquitos.
..and maybe the roaches too! I'm sure roaches serve a more important purpose in our ecosystem being we are such filthy creatures and need someone to clean up our refuse. However...mosquitos...oh man, I'd wage a war bigger then that of the infamous war on drugs or terror, it would be the war of wars! Casualties everywhere. Mosquitos droppin like flies! In fact there would be so many dead mosquitos that the new saying would be "droppin like mosquitos". What about gnats you ask? Yup them too. Green flies can go as well. Listen whatever predatory animal that feeds on these creatures hasnt stepped up their game and populated enough to handle all these pests so fuck em. I'm sure plenty of mosquitos will slip through the cracks and God knows I'm not goin into the amazon to kill these fuckers, I'm just sayin my administration would effectively eliminate the mosquito issue so that it becomes a non-issue. People would say, "what were mosquitos like mommy" and then they'd talk about how the great President Fathom eradicated all the mosquitos and restored peace to summer. They'd make propaganda posters with me squashing the fuckers all over town and anytime someone completely wiped out a species they'd say "yo he Fathom'd those fuckers".
Yeah, I know, I know thats a horrible thing to have connected to your name, but I'm not concerned with how the bleeding hearts will tel my story. I'm interested in how history will tell of a time when a man with the right kind of vision stepped up and took care of business. When past Presidencies were busy killing humans, I spend mine killing mosquitoes. I'd squash them like the bugs they are and to be honest when it comes to foreign relations, I think foreign leaders would applaud my vision and wish for a mosquito-less country themselves. In fact, I also think they would see me as a man that gets things done and isn't afraid of special interest groups getting in the way of what needs to be done. They would say; "That president Fathom really tackles issues head on. Once that fella gets something in his sights, its good as done"
Death to Mosquitoes.
It's the new revolution. A president that takes care of issues that effect all the people. Every people. After that we can discuss other concerns like parking or why people still won't serve us booze on Sundays. I'll even take on the price of a movie and the end of reality tv shows, but first we tackle the BIG issues.
Fathom for President.?