Happens all the time...

..it really does. I stay home, keep to myself, hang with the 660 fam, tell myself being good is the way to go. Stay focused, stay hydrated, stay the course, but then something happens. That something is I convince myself it's a good idea to GO OUT.

In and of itself going out is fine, we all need to spread our social wings every now and again, but the need isn't the same here in JC. Seeing people is more attuned to being part of something. 13th grade, a scene, a cliche'. Going out is keeping up appearances, saying your 'how do ya do?'s and showing support. There's an art show, event or happening every weekend in JC so you have to pick your day. I used to be partial to Tuesday nights but even that got stale. Not that there isn't a good time to be had but I've found that I've run out of interesting and interested. Even the conversations I start with good intentions end up drunken drivel. My flashback memories of the conversations I start end with me wondering just whom I think I am or a 'what the hell did i say that for' connotation.

My social ineptitude increases every year like a rocket gaining speed. I used to have things to talk about, things on my mind worth sharing, but now its always the same banal thunder spunk ricocheting off the ears of anyone willing or drunk enough to listen. I quit Facebook and Twitter, so now what do I do with my clever cache' of one liners and seemingly insightful observations? I spew em out in a sloppy slew of smarmy opinions and open faced psycho-babble.
I don't know, some of it feels funny, alot of it feels relevant and all of it seems to pass the time by faster. I'm not shy or anti-social, I'm just in a state of self enforced foreign incapatability. I feel like a stranger in my own body on autopilot thru the masses. The reasonable thing to do is stay home, get work done, make art, but there's a pressure valve waiting to be released and what used to be a pressure that facilitated a culture of learning now just cultivates my own self consciousness over how ridiculous I am.
-JF