Accountability, Dread and concious thought

Im a fan of positive psychology; Not the new age "think positive and the Universe will provide" crap. I like the idea that psychology isn't just a way to identify symptoms of illnesses and behavior, but also psychology serves as the study of how the successful, the happy and the wise THINK and ACT. I believe that if you want to be happy you CAN. I'm obviously not talking about people born into slavery or extreme poverty, I'm talking about the millions of Americans that suffer from depression, or the people caught up in dead end jobs, abusive relationships and silly destructive patterns.

In this world and culture happiness is more then just an option, it's fuckin EASY. The problem is that it's even easier to get caught up in the drama and be held back by the unfortunate obstacles that come our way. Feeling sorry for ourselves should only serve as the catalyst to instigate change. Sure it feels better to point the finger or curse the Gods, but whats the benefit in that? I like being happy. I hate feeling angry, anxious, or taken advantage of. I despise jealousy and dread. There's too few days out there to waste on such things. I should know, I definitely wallowed in self pity in my past and still find myself repeating familiar mistakes, but I've always managed to pull myself up by my bootstraps and lately have gotten better at admitting when I'm fuckin myself over yet again.

I pay attention to things like behavior patterns and structure and dwell on idiosyncrasies that pop up repeatedly. I'm consumed by some of these themes so I feel personally responsible to instigate change if a change is desired. What good is being able to predict that lightening will strike your house if you won't leave or can't prevent it? That's where my dread comes in; I hate seeing the patterns play out that lead up to an undesirable situation and not being able to prevent the negative or instigate the positive. Sometimes we secretly want to suffer, or want to indulge in negative patterns but if you don't acknowledge when your doing that at the very least then you will find yourself repeating the same mistake in different ways for the rest of your life!! It's your responsibility to manage your life and create positive opportunities for yourself, to take advantage of what comes your way and put your personal positive spin on it. Everything that comes within your reach is effected by you, it's not just the outside influences effecting you. You do have power here.

Life may feel like a game of dodgeball with you in the center at times, but there are ways to WIN at dodgeball. You have to be ready to participte, be present, focused and not afraid of what happens if you get hit. If you let fear guide your decisions you will only become more scared. It's when we move forward despite our fears that we experience any real growth. You can't be afraid to live, or be afraid to be happy, or worse yet, afraid that someone will take your happiness away from you. Facing your demons and pushing yourself is your own responsibility. You will be helped along the way like you were in school, but in LIFE you choose your teachers and grade your OWN tests. This may sound like a cruel joke but it's the most rewarding type of education you will ever have. If you don't force yourself to get up each morning and test yourself, everyone else you meet along the way will be happy to test you FOR YOU, and chances are you won't like it.
Remember: Sadness is a reaction. Happiness is a state of being.
-Fathom

Crazy Stacey Ransom. WWWHHHHATT?!???

I don't know what else to say about the work of Stacey Ransom. It's worth it to flip through all the categories of her portfolio.I love everything about it, from the set design to the lil plush human flesh furniture pieces. The film production category isn't as exciting for fan browsing, but there's plenty to digest in the Purebred category to make up for it. Do yourself a favor and spend some time on this site, it's a trip through an imaginarium that will leave you inspired and maybe a lil grossed out too.,

http://www.purebredphoto.com/
http://staceyransom.com

takes one to know one.

The only official self portrait I've done since H.S. It's still incomplete.
-Fathom

Sarah Palin and Hitler

Today I went to the Guggenheim to see the exhibition Chaos and Classicism. I enjoyed myself but I wasn't terribly moved. I wanted more chaos. I understand that the classicism came out of the chaos of war but it left me wanting. I guess I expected it to be something it was not.

I very much enjoyed the beginning, Otto Dix’s Der Krieg. It was grotesque and moving, I saw beauty in death and despair. I was excited for the rest of the exhibition. I moved through the rest of the art with the aid of my audio guide, was scolded by the 'art police' for leaning too close to a Le Corbusier model, and generally took in all that was around me.

Towards the end of the exhibition there is a short film by Leni Riefenstahl, a female director whose I am very familiar with, and I was disheartened to see that they glossed over her work as mere propaganda fueled by Hitler. Yes, it was propaganda, but it was shot beautifully. There was no mention of its value as a film in itself. The writing on the wall casually mentions Riefenstahl as 'Hitler's friend' which is a shame because there was a much deeper reason for her ties to Hitler (as there was with anyone and Hitler at that time).

This kind of leads me into my next train of thought: my sister had noted a quote on the wall about Hitler wanting to return to a older time, a time that had different (better) values. He likened his people as similar to the greeks. (I wish I had noted this actual quote down). His whole idea of an older, better time (my sister noted) sounded a lot like the claims of this Tea Party Movement. I am not saying that anyone involved with the Tea Party Movement is in any way acting in a way that is similar to Nazi's, I am saying Politicians need to be careful what they put forward as their campaign. You would hope that people are smart enough to avoid saying something that sounds strikingly similar to Hitler... but then again its hard to have faith in our political leaders these days.

I am not a fan of Sarah Palin, nor am I a fan of Hitler... but I think the two would get along fine.

Have a look at the exhibition video, then go see it in person.

http://www.guggenheim.org/new-york/exhibitions/on-view/chaos-and-classicism

-Vogel

2002-2010- swimming upstream

I'm not one of those artists that does self portraits. I am self indulgent enough as it is and I rarely use visual art as a medium for personal introspection. When I paint its more about themes, theories and ideas about the forces of nature that I feel personally connected to. Some truth that seems hidden and getting it to reveal itself . This new years I guess I inadvertently revealed a truth about myself while painting and in essence accidentally created a self portrait.

Early in the year I had experimented on a painting that was a bit more figurative than I tend to do. More specifically; while painting in my usual style I found the shapes and forms that I had smeared onto the plexiglass seemed to resemble a large catfish or coy. It was so clear that I decided to go with it and let it become that fish that it was revealing itself to be, but then midway through it, I wasn't sure that was such a good idea. I tried to change it, but couldn't undo what was done, so I frustratedly put it away and forgot about it. I came across it a few months ago and decided this time I'd give it another go. I tried once more to change it, but it was impossible to save the interesting elements about it if I didn't let it be a fish. I worried if it was hokey or lame, but wasn't willing to abandon it again, so I accepted that it was a fish and nothing could be done other then support it as the subject of this painting and create the best environment to surround the fish in.

It was in repeating the words of the title in my head- " It started to look like a fish, so I let it be a fish, but then I decided I didn't want it to be a fish so I tried to change it, but what could I do? It was already a fish". -that I realized: Hey I AM this fish!

The struggle with this painting and my resistance to let it be what it wanted to be could be likened to my parents seeing me grow up to become an artist. In the beginning they praised my artistic efforts, and got me all the great art supplies a kid could want. Art was the only thing I was really good at. I was an ok B- student with serious difficulty in math and not much good at sports. Somewhere along the line I think my future as an artist became a point of concern for my parents whom probably saw my dreams of being a huge success as an inevitable disappointment for us all. They attempted to change the fish as I did- to no avail. It was too late. The confidence I developed from their early praise was only emboldened by their lack of confidence now.

The only thing I was good at was being creative. If I were to give up then, I would have been miserable. So I refused their advice, b/c I felt like I was someone who wanted more and was willing to suffer to get it. I may not have realized it then but every decision I've made has led me towards me being here now, which is where I am happiest. Not all professional artists are famous. Why should they have to be? I eat well, I have a roof over my head, and I do sell paintings from time to time. So don't worry and be proud of yourselves- you raised a perfectly successful fish.
_Fathom

2002-2010 The make me or break me years

. Just about every New Years I'm completely in the dark as to where I will be going and how I will be ringing in the New Year. This yr wasn't any different, as I toiled over choices, not feeling connected to either choice and not exactly knowing why. It appears that over the years I have developed a guilty responsibility to keep my celebrations & progress balanced in perfect harmony. That is to say; if I feel I haven't been doing what I'm supposed to do, then I don't deserve to be celebrating as often. My mom used to restrict how often I went out, often telling me "you had enough fun this week". I remember thinking what a ridiculous reason to not allow me to do something; b/c I'd be enjoying myself too much. Despite my thinking such; I carry that with me I suppose. Self-checking every so often to make sure that I'm working as hard as I'm playing. These days I prefer to think of going out for drinks as miniature celebrations. Sure, everyone drinks for different reasons, some to celebrate, some to forget, but for me going out with friends and spending your hard earned money should have cause. You should feel content with how much you've done with your day, week or month so that you can truly cut loose and unwind. If you don't have that sense of contentment, self destructive behavior can ensue. There are so many angry or sad drunks out there, why be another one of them?

So when 2011 approached I briefly considered what kind of celebration I deserved for how I spent my year. A low key familial celebration or a balls to the wall/ all out brawl of a night out.. Neither seemed to appeal to me. Instead I thought of the bills, the garbage, the unfinished paintings and construction I would be taking with me into 2011, leftover from 2010. It wasn't a celebration worthy feeling. In fact, it made me feel unfocused, because I knew I had time in 2010, but didn't use my time as wisely as I could have. I imagined myself knocking even one of those incomplete projects off my list and how much more rewarding that would feel then shitshowing it out on the town.
I got more done then I expected spending my NYE in the studio and it would probably go down as my 2nd best NYE to date, simply b/c it was the first NYE that I actually contemplated the year before. This year was more then that actually, bc this year I found myself contemplating all the years before. Snapshots of all the little steps that led to this time in my life. Every failure, every success and all the subtle lessons that develop your personal philosophy for life. I had been fighting for so long to forge a life for myself against the odds of the outside world and those obstacles I created myself from scratch, that I forgot to stop slashing at the reeds in my path and turn around to see how far along the path I had come. Choosing Art as a career when you haven't yet been discovered is a risky choice. You're destined to face obstacles and demons you hadn't considered the moment you naively imagined your names in lights and across magazine covers being declared as the next great American artist!

...I guess it's been 8 winters since I first came to Jersey City to lease a giant empty warehouse with dreams of becoming a successful painter. 8 winters in a cocoon waiting to be something. It took 2011's arrival for me to realize I could put down the machete for a minute and realize the path has been forged and I am already here. This is what it feels like, this is what it tastes like at this point. It's not at all what I imagined, and it certainly can get better, but its wonderful all the same.

*Untitled Painting- Dec 31 2010
_-FATHOM

Time to shed 2010 like I accidently shed my hat...

Somewhere in my confusion of buying crack pie from Momofuku, traveling to the upper east side, purchasing new years eve hats and heading to my sister... I lost my brown hat. This hat has seen me through many bad times, I got it in Praha last december... it was only just over a year in my possession, and now its gone. I'm almost positive I know where I left it but I do not want to dwell on that.

It was symbolic or something. Yes I think its weird to read into the loss of my hat, but I gotta read into something right? Its the first day of 2011. This is the day where we all make ridiculous vows to loose weight or be better people. We over analyze the whole last year of our lives. So this is how I choose to read into my life.

My hat is gone. Yes thats sad. But no I wont dwell on that fact. A new hat will be in my possession tomorrow.

Happy 2011 everyone

-Vogel